Sunday 16 October 2011

JUST DO IT


Things around the Les V3GAN house have been a little tense of late. The last couple of days I have had a massive feeling of things crumbling, and I am simply just trying to keep my head above the water and not drown. For as long as I can remember I have been a worrier I worry about absolutely everything and those who have the pleasure (or horror) of knowing me will whole heatedly agree. I am a perfectionist which is an asset and a hindrance. I want everything to be perfect, of course nothing ever is, I am too lazy to become OCD about it so instead I worry. I worry about what other people think or will think, but more importantly I worry about what I think. I mean obviously I should be able to keep to a schedule in regards to my life, I write lists millions of them and if things don't go according to plan I freak.
This week things have not gone to plan. I missed a day of tracking.. didn't record one thing. In my head I calculated my points values though and it was all ok, but the fact I didn't actually record bothers me (alot). I also went to the gym only once (a whole lot less then I promised myself). I got sick and missed a really important class on Wednesday morning, which makes me feel like the world is ending ( I know, I know I was sick I have a reason, Logically I get it). And I have done no where near enough study. I have an assignment draft due on Wednesday and I have spent most of the weekend avoiding doing it, and while avoiding it I worried about not getting it done, when if I had spent the time I spent worrying about it doing it, it would have been completed.  ( say that three times really quickly)
So I probably sound a little nuts now. ( full disclosure remember). I suffer from anxiety. I am not in denial. I have panic attacks. I AM ALOT BETTER then I have been, but things have been crumbling this week.
So this tonight I have cut myself some slack. Yes things seems bad. Yes I am worried. But you know what, I've held it together so far and don't intend to let it all fall apart, I just have to acknowledge that little voice, push it aside and get some shit done. So I am going to live the mantra of a lovely woman, who I have been seeing for four years my counsellor, JUST DO IT JESS ( In the past I have written it in lipstick on mirrors and post its on walls just to get through to myself).
I'll update you soon on how the DOING Is going.
xoxo 
Jess

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